小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”！上周的欧洲足坛精彩看点层出不穷，皇马意外输给莱万特，切尔西在补时最后关头绝平曼联，而巴萨、曼城、阿森纳、利物浦等球队则纷纷取胜。好了，话不多说，让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧！

Campbelljaa(阿森纳球迷)： 想要打手枪，就去看枪手！(Arsenal’s match now is a perfect wanking material.)

Aidsfart(阿森纳球迷)： 还是把厄齐尔换下去吧，不然这比赛都快爽成小黄片了…(Needed to get Ozil subbed this game was close to becoming a porn)

dead_siaf(未知主队球迷)： 这场比赛阿森纳就已经能确定十月份的最佳进球前三名了！(The October top 3 goals of Arsenal at this rate.)

Cerxa(未知主队球迷)： 皇马连第一名的进球都确定了！(Real Madrid has made the top 1.)

Wrongbody(未知主队球迷)： 厄齐尔式帽子戏法：进球，助攻，二阶助攻。(the ozil hat-trick: goal, assist, assist to the assist.)

Nick316166(阿森纳球迷)： 厄齐尔的传球，简直都能把原子给切割开！(Ozil could split an atom with a pass. Great.)

DidYouSayK(未知主队球迷)： 要是让厄齐尔去找当年的失事马航客机，那说不定就找到了！(Ozil could find the Malaysian flight if he had a try.)

purJackalope117(热刺球迷)： 天呐，今年的前5名竞争真是太激烈了，欧冠资格不容易啊！(Jesus the top 5 are tight this year. It's gonna be tough getting CL again.)

MartialFC(曼联球迷)： 啊？(What?)

Dark-X(巴萨球迷)： 辣鸡已经加盟巴萨5年了，自己也不是塞维利亚青训出身，但现在面对塞维利亚进球依然拒绝庆祝，值得尊敬！(5 years with us, Ivan still won't celebrate vs Sevilla. He is not even a youth product of them. Respect.)

fuckthisshit0102(巴萨球迷)： 特尔施特根大概是一个由弹性钢铁细胞组成，而且还具有无限反应能力的男人吧！(Ter Stegen is a man made of elastic iron cells and infinite reflexes.)

Kirkrrr(巴萨球迷)： 巴萨全场最佳：特尔施特根；塞维利亚全场最佳：登贝莱！(MOTM for Barca: Ter Stegan. MOTM for Sevilla: Dembele.)

NotAnurag(巴萨球迷)： 看到皮克能发挥好真是长舒一口气，踢国米我们得需要一个像样的后防线才行…(Low key I’m happy that pique actually looked good today. We’ll need a good defense against Inter.)

Panteraepantico(弗拉门戈球迷)： 其实我不太相信特尔施特根能防住皮克玩火…(I do not believe MatS can defend agains Pique.)

Culesamericano(巴萨球迷)： 能不能把我的胳膊拿走，不要让我们的小可爱受伤啊…(Take my arm instead please just don't let anything happen to our love.)

Currul(未知主队球迷)： 直播里的一哥们脱口而出梅西将伤缺20个月(其实他是想说20天)，当时吓得我都快拉裤子里了…(One dude on the TV just said that Messi could be 20 months out (He meant 20 days) and I almost gave a shit in my pants.)

omegaxLoL(曼联球迷)： 虽然只踢了20分钟，但这依然是一场梅西主宰了的比赛…(That was honestly looking like a classic Messi dominant performance, instead it's over in 20 minutes.) ItsJimmyBoy19(皇马球迷)： 不要着急让梅西这么早复出，毕竟没必要上场去踢弱队的…(But don’t push him to come back. Don’t want to waste him against a trash team.)

simomii(皇马球迷)： 是谁说我们离开C罗就破不了纪录了？(Who said we wouldn't break records after being free from Ronaldo.)

gintoki-sama(皇马球迷)： 离开了C罗，起码我们输得更像一个整体了！(At least without Ronaldo we’re losing as a team.)

BOTHROPS-ASPER(未知主队球迷)： 洛跪特吉。(Flopetegui.)

DashingPhonyRhodes(AC米兰球迷)： 虽然皇马现在踢成一坨翔，但赛季末还不是在欧冠决赛赢个5-0！(Madrid looking garbage now, but it means they’ll probably win the CL 5-0 in the final.)

Tizer_(切尔西球迷)： 看到库尔图瓦在皇马如此出色的表现，真是好开心呢！(Nice to see Courtois having a good time in Madrid :)

GorillAffe(门兴球迷)： 每当踢皇马的时候，对方门将仿佛都会巅峰卡西附身一样…(I feel like a lot of goalkeepers turn into prime Casillas when playing against Real lmao)

Jezfps(皇马球迷)： 保级大战正式打响了！(Relegation battle begin.)

Matg09(巴萨球迷)： 还能再加个人么…(Room for one more?)

Matg09(巴萨球迷)： 天呐，看来国家德比将是保级路上最关键的6分之战啊！(Jesus at this rate El clasico Will be A relegation 6 pointer.)

RuralHuman(西班牙球迷)： 都赖老佛爷，卖了C罗也不买人，你不买顶级前锋也就算了，起码得买个能射的前锋吧…(This is all on Perez for selling Ronaldo and not getting a striker. Not a world class one, but at least someone who can shoot the ball.)

Zimbelboi(皇马球迷)： 我已经决定明天就去看皇马的篮球赛了！(Looking forward to our basketball team tomorrow.)

Sureshot006(莱比锡球迷)： 帮朋友问的，为啥有个人能在5个月内接连在国家队和俱乐部下课啊！(Lmao how does one get fired from both the national team and club in 5 months asking for a friend.)

GOR098(未知主队球迷)： 为了改变西甲二人转的局面，皇马巴萨可谓用心良苦啊！(Seems like Real & Barca are working very hard to change that 2 horse race thing.) NationalAnswer(皇马球迷)： 好啦，希望齐祖已经过了个愉快的假期，现在能重新回来工作了么…(Alright I hope Zidane's enjoyed his break and is ready to come back.)

dandylionsg7(皇马球迷)： 我TM真不知道这都踢得什么玩意，估计洛佩特吉也啥都不知道吧！(I have no idea wtf is happening and I'm sure Lopetegui feels the same.)

Dispelthemyth(英格兰球迷)： 大家都慌了…快藏好你们的内马尔、阿扎尔和萨拉赫们，皇马就要来了！(Everyone be afraid, protect you Neymars, Hazards and Salas because Madrid are coming.)

FifaDK(曼联球迷)： 泥煤的，当看见有6分钟补时的时候，我就知道会出现这结果…(Knew this would happen when we got 6 mins added time. Fucks sake.)

RoflJoe(曼联球迷)： 我代表德赫亚坐在这里生气！(I'm sitting here getting angry on behalf of de Gea.)

FamousCurrency(未知主队球迷)： 看着萨里嚼烟，我都觉得自己要得癌症了…(Watching sarri chew all those cigarettes is giving me cancer.)

holla15(未知主队球迷)： 萨里一定烦透了，比赛踢的时间越长，不就越晚才能去吸烟么？(Sarri is getting pissed, the longer this game takes the longer it'll be before he can get a smoke.)

Theenigmacode(利物浦球迷)： 我真想让博格巴脱掉上衣，然后也露出“怎么老是我”的标语...(I fully expect Pogba to take off his shirt and say why always me.)

You_aint_gotta_lie(切尔西球迷)： 博格巴的表现还是不错的，只要他不去防守就行…(Pogba is so damn good when he doesn't have to do any defending.)

Thefacelessvoice(曼联球迷)： 忽然发现费莱尼好像不在替补席上，那现在穆帅打算怎么办啊？(Just noticed Fellani isnt on the bench. What is Mou gonna do now??)

UmpireAJS(阿森纳球迷)： 我看见切尔西的比赛计划了，就是在最后关头再进球，这样曼联就没时间去反击了！(I see Chelsea's plan. Score the second goal late enough so United can't mount a comeback.)

JohnSmackSmack(沃特福德球迷)： 这剧情怎么感觉都看过100遍了…(Feel like I’ve seen this game 100 times.)

Tsubasa_sama(利物浦球迷)： 好吧，咱只需要赢个12-0就能登榜首了！(Its okay lads a 12-0 win will see us top the table.)

Serpentman(伯恩利球迷)： 每周都安慰自己还有下周…(There's always next week...)

Aquadamn(葡萄牙球迷)： 好希望看曼城去踢巴萨或尤文啊！(I want to see City v Barcelona and/or Juventus.)

Idkfunnyusername(巴萨球迷)： 我还是想看他们去踢皇马…(I wanna see them against Madrid.)

dump_user5000(利物浦球迷)： 到了1月份，联赛归属就要见分晓了！(the league wil be decided in January. isn't it?)

Recreant57(热刺球迷)： 上个1月不就已经见分晓了吗？(not last January?)

Damrider(未知主队球迷)： 马赫雷斯看起来就像是梳了个他妈妈觉得帅的发型…(mahrez looks like his mom has been brushing his hair telling him what a handsome boy he is.)

ottawaZed(未知主队球迷)： 我不需要靠吸大麻才能嗨，看曼城的比赛就已经有相同的效果了！(I don't have to smoke legal weed to get high, this goal is good enough to get me the same effects.)

Chromate_Magnum(伯恩利球迷)： 想象一下你的球队0-3落后，而对方却要把丁丁换上场，还有比这更糟糕的事情么…(Imagine being 0-3 down, and seeing KDB come on. Nothing can be worse)

Aiaraya(皇马球迷)： 比如换上的是梅西？(How about seeing Messi come on?)

Archieves12(利物浦球迷)： 这场球唯一的亮点就是最后竟还赢了...(The only surprise in this game is a won.)

MichuAtDeGeaBa(蒙古球迷)： 这比赛绝对是第二天我就一点也想不起来发生了什么的那种类型…(Gonna be one of those games that I completely forget about by the next day.)

好了，亲爱的小伙伴们，本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了，让我们下期不见不散！