小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”！上周的国际赛场精彩看点层出不穷，曼联赢下了和热刺的焦点之战，阿森纳不敌铁锤帮，利物浦取胜继续领跑，切尔西、皇马、巴萨等球队也纷纷取胜。亚洲杯赛场，两连胜的中国队得以提前出现。好了，话不多说，让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧！

Nikowned(未知主队球迷)： 除非德赫亚在场上尿尿，否则热刺根本就没有进球的机会！(Spurs will not have a chance to score unless De Gea is taking a piss.)

ejablonskis(英格兰球迷)： 那可不一定，德赫亚能一边用一只手扶着大雕尿尿，一边用另一只手轻松扑出5个阿里的射门。(tbh, De Gea can easily save 5 Dele’s shots even with one hand on his cock.

Fitzbender(皇马球迷)： 博格巴的传球就像是羞羞，拉什福德一射就达到了高潮！(Pogbas pass is sex, Rashford shot was perfectly timed orgasm then.)

NVRLand(瑞典球迷)： 要是曼联门前不是德赫亚，而只是一堵水泥墙的话，热刺想要进球就能容易多了！(I think Tottenham's chances to score would improve if they put a concrete wall in United's goal instead of De Gea.)

AngryPenguin501(英格兰球迷)： 这一切还都要从那个坑爹的传真机说起…(All of this because of a broken fax machine.)

Imsortofabigdeal(热刺球迷)： 每过一赛季，我对那个传真机的恨意就增加一分！(My hate for that fax machine grows with each passing season.)

HighlordElement(阿森纳球迷)： 德赫亚也不咋牛逼啊，明明上半场一次扑救都没有！哦，不好意思我忘了，德赫亚想要扑救，也得热刺有一脚射门才行啊！(De Gea was not that good and had 0 saves in the first half. Oh sorry you need to have shots on target to save, first!)

SKAGAWA(曼联球迷)： 据说美国总统已经和曼联商讨德赫亚的转会呢，川普想让他去守住墨西哥边境！(Rumors that the US President is in talks with Manchester United with respect to the potential transfer of David De Gea and just places him on the Mexican border.)

Sneazzy(巴黎球迷)： 好怕怕…(I feel nervous now.)

TopNotchGamerr(曼联球迷)： 这是啥感觉？竟然还有强队害怕曼联？我还活在2009年吗？(What is this feeling? a top teams fans scared of United? Am I living in 2009?)

Hennny(曼联球迷)： 啊老天爷，本来我觉得能进前6就很满意了，现在我有点膨胀到想要联赛冠军了！(Oh my god I’d made peace with us finishing in 6th as well, I can’t believe we’re going to win the title.)

BombaclotPoomPoom(曼联球迷)： 咱还是的现实一点吧，我看能赢下欧冠冠军就不错了！(Let's be more realistic, Champion's league.)

greg19735(西汉姆联球迷)： 忽然发现Mia Khalifa来看球了，这比赛看得我更激情四射了…(This match makes me wetter when I see Mia Khalifa coming.)

TL31(曼联球迷)： 你们都在说什么呢，Mia Khalifa 就会跳水而已，别人轻轻一推她就倒了！(What are you on about? She’s such a diver! Always faking it from the slightest of touches.)

XeroVeil(德国球迷)： 今天Mia Khalifa 的呻吟声好像还没有大多数阿森纳球迷多…(She doesn't moan nearly as much as most of the Arsenal fans today.)

Smith2k6(热刺球迷)： 枪手的紧逼甚至还比不上Mia Khalifa 呢！(Still tighter than arsenals defense though.)

3picKill3(阿森纳球迷)： 热刺球迷就知道造谣，你倒是拿出她的集锦来证明一下啊。(Silly rumors of Spurs fans, show me her highlights.)

TheHawk17(曼联球迷)： 阿森纳如此被按着摩擦，其实是在向Mia Khalifa致敬…(Arsenal just shows their respect to Mia Khalifa by being fucked.)

varro-reatinus(阿森纳球迷)： 够了，别再提这场比赛了！咱还是来看看Mia Khalifa的作品吧！ (Enough about the game, let’s watch some works of Mia Khalifa.)

iamPause(利物浦球迷)： 裁判：“啊小伙子们，我今天把红黄牌忘在家里了，你们就都自觉一点吧！”(Ref: look lads, I left me cards at home on accident. Could you calm down a bit?)

rockthered24(曼联球迷)： 我年少时有次当裁判，结果就真的把红黄牌忘在家里了，但整场比赛都没人发现…(Fun fact when I was a teenager I was a referee for my towns program and I once forgot my cards at home but no one noticed that.)

Gurmee_S (阿根廷球迷)： 布莱顿踢得不错啊，利物浦也就比对方强了一根头发丝这么一点点而已！(Brighton did really well, Liverpool have to win these type of games by a hair length to win the title.)

Scholafell(利物浦球迷)： 估计就强了瓜瓜的头发丝这么一点吧，不过能赢就好…(Won by a length of Pep's hair but I'll take it.)

LordVelaryon(多特蒙德球迷)： 布莱顿这简直就是阿森纳级别的防守啊！(Brighton was Arsenal level defending.)

GroutGamer(阿森纳球迷)： 这么夸我们还真是挺不好意思的…(Such compliments make me shy.)

TheOddJdawg(利物浦球迷)： 要是两年前你告诉我利物浦也能舒舒服服地赢一场1-0，那我一定认为你疯了…(Imagine someone telling you that in 2 years we could comfortably win 1-0 I dont think i would think you are mad.)

Redaak(利物浦球迷)： 其实这场比赛的每一分钟都看得我提心吊胆的…(I assure you I was not comfortable through every minute.)

Rukiahayashi(未知主队球迷)： 很明显啊，曼联的大巴开到布莱顿去了！(Apparently Man Utd’s bus was at Brighton this whole time.)

swiper33(热刺球迷)： 只能说阿诺德牛逼，他的传中让沙奇里都成为空中威胁了…(TAA is so damn good man. He can make fucking Shaqiri an aerial threat.)

Mbeecroft(曼城球迷)： 法比尼奥都踢后卫了，克洛普绝对已经瓜瓜化了…(Klopp going full Guardiola with Fabinho at the back.)

Enazj(纽卡斯尔球迷)： 要是耶德林再跟不上节奏，那干脆就去沃尔玛扫地得了…(If Yedlin didn't have pace he'd be sweeping floors at Walmart.)

Jonnehbravo(切尔西球迷)： 大卫-路易斯今天是被小法灵魂附体了吧！(luiz possessed by the ghost of fabregas today.)

KroenkesAdvocate(阿森纳球迷)： 阿扎尔已经成为我的梦魇了…(I see Hazard's turn in my nightmares.)

Lintal(切尔西球迷)： 威廉好像只有在自己的位置快要被人取代的时候才会挺身而出证明自己一下…(I swear Willian only turns up when we have another player threatening his starting spot…

Volitient(巴萨球迷)： 别看苏牙看起来技术就像驴子一样糙，可他的进球助攻数都是仅次于梅西的…(He can really look like a donkey but the man gets those goals and assists, only less than Messi.)

Mntgoat(厄瓜多尔球迷)： 就我一个人觉得朗格莱长得特别像小指头培提尔-贝里席吗？(Does anyone else think Lenglet looks like little finger a little bit?)

Source_Wiki(巴萨球迷)： 苏牙在用不可思议的射门角度来怒艹牛顿定律…(That angle. Suarez says fuck you to Newton’s laws.)

kabuto23(巴萨球迷)： 苏牙连送到口边的饼都能吐掉，却又能进这0角度射门…(Sometimes he misses sitters, Other times he scores 0 degree angle goals.)

mightbeabotidk(巴萨球迷)： 所以老铁，下次“巴尔韦德傻X”循环啥时候开始啊？(So guys when is the next fool-Valverde circlejerk coming?)

Guilleloco(未知主队球迷)： 梅西取得了个人西甲400球的壮举，但人们好像一点都不觉得惊讶…(Messi has done the unthinkable and reached 400 La Liga goals today but nobody is surprised.)

y0uveseenthebutcher(未知主队球迷)： 皇马的下半场，差不多就是反向巴萨吧…(Madrid 2nd halves are the opposite of Barcelona 2nd halves.)

hunchovis(皇马球迷)： 要不就让拉莫斯和本泽马搭档踢中锋吧，再买几个后卫和维尼修斯一起组织防线就行了！(Thoughts on Ramos starting as centre forward with Benz out now? Will bully defenders and link up with Vinicius.)

CapetownFC(明尼苏达球迷)： 我在生涯模式里已经用武磊赢得英超冠军了，绝对是我心目中的传奇…(Bruh he helped me win the EPLIn career mode. He’s a straight up legend in my book.)

(图)：其实Reddit足球版块里的中国球迷还是挺多的~

Reflex2011(英格兰球迷)： 第一次看武磊踢球，这技术真心不错，打算以后继续关注他！(Man first time seeing this guy, he's got great technique. I'm going to keep an eye on him.)

konoha_ka_ladka(印度球迷)： 连进两球，武磊牛逼！我已经把他当作我梦之队的队长了！(Two amazing goal by Wu Lei today. So glad I captained him in my fantasy squad!)

(图)：这两句就比较暴露年龄了...

好了，亲爱的小伙伴们，本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了。让我们拭目以待，来看下期歪果仁们更加精彩的犀利吐槽吧！