小伙伴们过年好！欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”。上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷，曼城赢下了和阿森纳的焦点之战，曼联、切尔西、皇马等纷纷取胜，而利物浦和巴萨则收获平局。国王杯赛场，巴萨与皇马将在半决赛相遇。好了，话不多说，让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧！

frankoo123(切尔西球迷)： 哈哈，阿圭罗这射得比我第一次上床还快！(Aguero’s goal was faster than my first time in bed lmaooo.)

GriezyE(未知主队球迷)： 开始了吗？已经结束了！(I didn’t even start paying attention yet lmao.)

whitebutter(阿森纳球迷)： 如果我们假装比赛已经结束了，曼城会不会就不虐我们了？(If we pretend play has stopped maybe they’ll fall for it and stop too.)

Sawyerbk(阿森纳球迷)： 看我厂比赛就像是被强X，与其苦苦挣扎被狂虐，不如坦然接受，说不定还能感受到高潮的快感。(It’s just like being fucked,  you resist it you’ll be abused, or you accept it you could even feel the orgasm.)

Alexi16(曼城球迷)： 我们解决左后卫问题的妙招，就是不上左后卫了…(How to fix your left back problem, don’t play one.)

Howizzle90(阿森纳球迷)： 难道我们也在右后卫上这么整了？(We did employ that tactic tonight with our right back....)

ben_would_burn(利物浦球迷)： 阿森纳面对前6名球队的战绩一直很稳定。(Arsenal has the most consistent away form against top 6. Consistent.)

CheckIn123(拜仁球迷)： 那是因为最稳定的已经遇不着了…(When the most consistent is not available.)

jordanhhh4(富勒姆球迷)： 就算你让利物浦和热刺参加只有他们俩的联赛，那最后他俩还是都得不了冠军！(You could put Tottenham and Liverpool in a league with just the two of them and they'd somehow manage to second both.)

Apetoast(利物浦球迷)： 边裁弄坏了第一个旗子后就生怕再弄坏第二个，现在什么判罚都不敢做了！(After the linesman broke his previous flag, he's now too afraid to use his new one to judge.)

mikey_croatia(曼联球迷)： 与其像阿森纳那样站着死，还是这样跪着赢的感觉更好…(I'll take an ugly win over a beautiful loss like Arsenal.)

TaxBillsPayments(阿森纳球迷)： 瞎bb什么呢，我厂明明是跪着死好不好！(You asshole now arsenal just do ugly losses.)

Yungcheestring(未知主队球迷)： 好可怕啊，明年的曼联不就能争联赛冠军了？(Scares me to think United could be title contenders again next season :(

Impim(曼联球迷)： 其实我们每年对明年都是这么想的…(Actually every year we believe that for the next year.)

redwan010(曼联球迷)： 卢卡库是一名经验丰富的球员，在比赛第1分钟就像是已经在踢加时赛一样了！(Lukaku is an experienced player as he is playing the 1st minute just like he has been running for the extra times.)

DarkSofter(曼联球迷)： 麦克-迪恩是准备给场上22名球员一人一张黄牌来庆祝自己执法英超100场么？(Is Dean setting up for his special finale giving give his 100th Premier League yellow cards to all 22 players?)

fiveht78(切尔西球迷)： 万万没想到，我在有生之年竟还能再看见一次切尔西前锋完成跑位、顺利停球而且还把球给弄球门里去…(I never thought I'd see a Chelsea striker make a run, receive the ball and put it into the net again in my life.)

Viggorous(切尔西球迷)： 伊瓜因这赛季的英超进球，已经比吉鲁还多了…(Higuain has now scored more league goals this season than Giroud.）

Hardyman13(切尔西球迷)： 我怀疑阿隆索在每次接球的一瞬间都要停下来思考几秒钟人生…(I feel like Alonso's default reaction when receiving the ball is to stop and reflect on life for a few seconds.)

fn_ChooseUserName(切尔西球迷)： 凯帕，你欠我太多的新内裤了…(Kepa owes me too many new pairs of boxers.)

LostPrinceofWakanda(切尔西球迷)： 惊！萨里赛后竟然在更衣室挟持球员当人质，而且还又搂又亲！(Breaking! Sarri holding players hostage in the dressing room for hugs and kisses.)

Anotherinquisition(未知主队球迷)： 直到现在我也不确定切尔西到底牛不牛逼，但哈镇踢得辣鸡绝对是板上钉钉的…(Still not convinced Chelsea is that good. But I'm sure that Huddersfield is that bad.)

Mad_Lancer(未知主队球迷)： 哈哈，伊瓜因那搂着巴克利的进球就像是“虽然我不认识你是谁但我现在真的好开心！”(lmao Higuain did the "I don't even know your name but I'm so happy right now" celebration with Barkley.)

KingNothing666(巴萨球迷)： 我堂堂西班牙4600万人口，难道就找不到一个像样的裁判吗？(46 million people in Spain, and somehow, not a single competent referee.)

AshwinKattak(巴萨球迷)： 如果你感到自己一无是处，毫无一技之长，不要灰心，请记住，你可以去当西甲裁判呀！(Just remember, if you completely fail in life and have no talents, please don’t be upset, you can still apply to be a la liga ref.)

Inmolatus(丹麦球迷)： 裁判很迷啊，既然你都不用VAR，那为什么要装上它呢…(This referee is embarrasing... why the fuck do you have VAR if you are going to not play advantage? )

Jaqobs(塞维利亚球迷)： 唉，前两天国王杯咋不是这个裁判来呢！(Why is not you in our match against barca?)

AlwaysSnowyInSiberia(未知主队球迷)： 梅西好像直到下半场才想起来自己是谁…(Messi didn’t remember he was Messi until the seco`nd half.)

rednades(未知主队球迷)： 我不太懂球，但我觉得裁判可以被替换下场了！(I don't know if its a thing but this ref needs to be subbed off.)

azaaaa7(皇马球迷)： 如果你认为做爱很爽，那是因为你没看过本泽马的进球。(Yeah sex is cool but have you seen Benzema’s goal.)

GeorgeMahaRiskTaker(皇马球迷)： 巴萨平了，我皇赢了，欧耶，美好的一天！咦，怎么巴萨领头羊的分差还增加了？(Barca drew, we won. Good day indeed. Oh wait, why Barca leading gap is increasing?)

BigCrashLittleChyna(皇马球迷)： 有没有人告诉贝尔，比赛已经开始了，可不可以从医院出院了？(Can someone go tell Bale to get out of the hospital? The game started.)

Lolaya(哥伦尼亚球迷)： 卡塞米罗就像是一个对黄牌自带免疫功能的金刚芭比…(Casemiro has like a anti yellow card feature in his baby face robot body.)

EagleOfDeathMetal(巴黎球迷)： 6-1的比分，咋这么眼熟呢？(6-1, where have I seen that before?)

Theenigmacode(利物浦球迷)： 我们错过了见证登月奇迹，但我们却有幸见证了梅西的时代！(We missed the moon landing but get to witness Messi.)

Barcaholic(巴萨球迷)： 梅西能用脚给一个熟睡的老鼠刮胡子而不弄醒它…(Messi could shave a sleeping mouse by his feet without waking it.)

KronoS275(未知主队球迷)： 梅西就特么是个外挂！(Messi is like a fucking cheat code.)

Volitient(巴萨球迷)： 哈维是不是把头发染了，然后改名叫阿图尔来踢球了？(I think xavi just dyed his hair blond and changed his name to Arthur.)

JoLeTrembleur(里昂球迷)： 这球队是什么条件啊，我已经感到菊花隐隐作痛了…(What a level this team is displaying. I'm from Lyon and my ass hurts by advance.)

CounterfeitMemes(皇马球迷)： 在一个月内皇马竟然要踢3次巴萨，2次阿贾克斯和1次马竞…(In the next month Real Madrid will play Bara three times, Ajax twice and Atleti once.)

superfire444(阿贾克斯球迷)： 能和巴萨马竞齐名，我贾府真是受惊若宠…(Being named alongside barca and atleti is awesome :)

Nooobz(皇马球迷)： 老铁们，我怀疑本泽马是把欧冠上的进球给透支到国内赛场了！咱欧冠岂不是要凉了…(Guys, I’m worried because I think Benz wasted all of his secret magic CL portions and won’t have any left for the upcoming CL matches.)

好了，亲爱的小伙伴们，本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了，让我们拭目以待，来看下期歪果仁们更加精彩的犀利吐槽吧！